Recently I was asked the following question: If you could only teach one skill, what would that be? My colleagues from Human Resources to Consulting to Executive Coaching responded to this question by supplying specific skills such as active listening, asking good questions just to name a few. Their responses were thorough, eloquent and logical, but not even close as to how I answered the question.

The question was excellent. Individuals were required to reflect before they could respond. Albert Einstein wrote many years ago “Without deep reflection, one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.” Thousands of years before Einstein Confucius stated that “study without reflection is a waste of time; reflection without study is dangerous.”

As Einstein indicated, reflection is necessary for individual self-awareness. And yet, how much actual time do we as individuals, small business owners, entrepreneurs, parents or executives actually spend on reflection? The harried pace of today’s world provides a convenient excuse for not taking the time to reflect.

How often do we hear:

*I’m too busy to be bothered with that?

*I have fires to put out?

* I can’t think about yesterday because I need to deal with today?

*Why did I do that because everybody else does that?

When was the last time that you reflected? For me, it was at a recent wake and funeral

of a dear man who wasn’t a relative, but someone whom I had lovingly called Uncle for over 50 years. At the wake, a slide show was presented showing pictures of his life. My family was in many of those photographs and I reflected upon those childhood experiences. This reflection caused me to shed some quiet tears as I reconnected with those almost forgotten memories. I realized how much I had changed and how that change had positively affected me.

So, if you could teach one skill to your child, student, friend, employee or even yourself, what would you teach? For me, there was only one answer – Awareness through Reflection.

This article may be freely published. Permission to publish this article, electronically or in print, as long as the bylines are included, with a live link, and the article is not changed in any way (grammatical corrections accepted).

Leanne Hoagland-Smith, M.S. CEO of ADVANCED SYSTEMS, is the Learning & Process Specialist. With over 25 years of business & education experience, she helps her clients to double their results. By uniting systems, strategies and people to create loyal internal customers, Leanne delivers ROI solutions in 4 key areas: financials, leadership, relationships and growth & innovation within a variety of industries including education, healthcare, manufacturing and professional services. As co-author of M.A.G.I.C.A.L. Potential: 7 Capacities for Living an Amazing Life Beyond Purpose to Achievement due for 2005 release, Leanne speaks nationally to a variety of audiences. Please contact Leanne at 219.759.5601 or visit http://www.processspecialist.com if you are seeking unheard of results.

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Probably everyone is dreaming for lean athletic body or just to look and feel slimmer in his/hers clothes. Despite the fact that proper diet and exercise are proven to be beneficial for health in many ways, still weight loss success seems to be difficult to achieve. The reasons may vary from not enough willpower to maintain a diet, to lack of determination for performing exercise, but one of the most important reasons is low self-esteem and the failure to accept that results are possible, but in the long-term with small and steady changes.

Dramatic weight loss for short time is sometimes featured in TV shows and magazines, but it is more reasonably to accept that sensible weight-loss programs have more modest goals and are rooted in self-esteem and positive body image.

No one, but yourself can make you healthier or change your attitude. You just may need an additional support and some professional expertise to become more confident and decide what is good for you. That support can come from family, friends, or the workplace. Wellness programs at working places makes sense for companies, because the invested resources may be well rewarded – healthier, more united and productive employees, reduced health care costs etc.

Positive influences, at your workplace or from elsewhere, can make the difference in your weight loss efforts – if you feel good about your body, you tend to have high self-esteem. In today’s modern culture youth and physical attraction are highly desired – women may feel pressure to be young and glamorous, while men may bother about a beer belly, hair loss or being short of stature.

Such concern over body image, especially for women, can start early and bring serious consequences. A young girl worried about her weight may later lead to adopt poor eating habits, which may eventually result in bone loss. While proper nutrition and regular exercise (cardio and resistant training) promote bone health along with plenty of other benefits.

The three major areas essential to achieve and maintain a healthy weight are:

• What you’ll eat – food choices, cooking and preparation, and how you enjoy your food;
• Physical activity – how much movement, what activities you choose to participate in and how much intentional physical exercise you perform;
• Attitude – how you deal with self-esteem problems and different psychological barriers.

Rapid weight loss is often unrealistic for most people. A healthy weight loss, typically, is estimated to be of no more than two pounds per week, which indicates slow and gradual process. Many people may underestimate celebrating small victories and to reinforce one another’s progress. Supportive people may be able to give you the emotional stimulation and support you need, in order to succeed.

In reality true wellness may be the result of interaction between multiple components: physical, emotional, environmental, spiritual, social, career, etc.

Here are some key weight loss motivation ideas to improve your skills for developing a healthy body image and self-esteem:

• Be independent of what the scale may say. – Guide away from negative thinking and subconscious prejudices. Learn to appreciate your efforts and appraise even the small improvements, feel good in your body and enjoy what you are doing “right now” – in present time.

 

• Manage to come to peace and accept yourself the way you are. – Establish acceptance of your body image in the present form. Self-acceptance allows you to channel your energy into actual changes in behavior, rather than struggling with negative thoughts like: “would I, could I, should I”.

 

• Create a positive mental perspective. – The attitude, desire and conscious effort that you put into a situation greatly determines the outcome, and moreover affects whether you will expect good outcomes or will be discouraged by negative ones.

 

• Encourage yourself with positive self-talking. – Positive self-talking may reinforce the qualities and skills within you. Self-talk messages, like “Never back down”, or “Don’t give up” may affect your unconscious mind and may improve your confidence and determination, but you have to think of a way to constantly remind yourself such slogans.

 

• Try to stay away from comparisons. – Beauty (and body shape, and image) is a multi-dimensional combination of a variety of aspects, qualities and attributes, and depend on an individual basis that is in a constant state of change. Acknowledge your personal unique expressions of beauty and monitor your own physical, mental and then visual progress.

 

• Build your self-confidence and rely on yourself. – No matter how hard it is, each time you attempt a task that is outside of your comfort zone, and achieve even the tiniest success, you may experience a stronger degree of confidence and inner satisfaction.

 

• Reward yourself for missions you’ve accomplished – Allow and prepare positive incentives to keep you on track with your weight loss progress, to recognize the effort you are putting into your body image program.

 

• Give yourself and others a praise. – Acknowledge the positive outcome of your endeavors for your personal wellness and regularly give, and receive compliments.

 

• Share your interest and progress with others. – Sharing your healthy living goals with others may help you to stay on track with your weight loss routine. Value the advantages that supportive friends, relatives and colleagues may bring into your life. Take the time to be regularly in touch with nature and the environment, which may help you to relax and “recharge your batteries”.

About the author:
Diyan Dimitrov specializes in the field of health, fitness, diet and nutrition. He is a writer at Weightlosspills-review.net, who publishes articles on healthy weight management and creates objective weight loss pills review of popular brand names, based on clinical data, scientific information for safety, and user ratings.

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We live in a society where appearance has become hugely important. Every aspect of the perfect look is monitored by the media. Our size, clothes, makeup, diet, exercise regime is all documented in detail as to how to achieve that desired look. We see other people, celebrities, all looking fantastically slim weeks after giving birth to their baby, or looking perfectly groomed, without a line on their faces and we are given the message that if we worked out a little harder, dieted a little more then we too should be able to achieve that look.

Beauty has come to be defined by others and can be tough or even impossible to firstly achieve and secondly to maintain. Even children, young boys and girls, are becoming precociously aware of style, fashion, the perfect look. Many women put themselves under enormous pressure to achieve a look that is deemed acceptable by the other women in their social circle, by their partner or for their public persona, their status and reputation. Often giving in to these pressures involves regular exercise at the gym or with a personal trainer, maintaining their size with a strict diet regime and regular beauty treatments from hair, facials, manicures, to cosmetic procedures like botox and other enhancements. It can become a full time job keeping on top of it all, as well as very expensive.

What happens as time marches on? Can this constant effort be maintained and what about the person inside? Looking after ourselves is important. If we know someone who always looks disheveled, never makes an effort to look nice even on special occasions then we may well decide that they are either a little depressed or that they do not appreciate how to behave. It is important to get dressed up from time to time, to make an effort for ourselves, our friends and our partners. But how much should we be influenced or affected by a constant desire to look perfect. Is that true beauty?

Many people do define themselves through their appearance. I once knew lady I knew who always used to get up before her partner in order to apply a full makeup and look perfect for him from the moment he woke up. He never saw her without her makeup. She must have hardly dared to sleep, in case she missed him awakening first. She was fearful that if he saw her ungroomed he would reject her. Her self-esteem relied totally on looking good.

Does the pressure come from him or from her? Certainly smartly dressed and good looking people often convey an aura of confidence and authority that can be intimidating to others. It can be deemed to be important to emulate that look and so attain some of that aura for ourselves in a bid to improve confidence levels. We allow ourselves to be guided into a certain mindset. Often young people are impressionable because they have no clear sense of who they are. They see their role models looking a particular way or appearing to have certain attributes or behaviour and they are influenced accordingly.

How do we achieve a balance in our approach to appearance? The media of late appear to be taking a more normalised view of size and appearance and of what defines beauty. Several actresses and celebrities have insisted on being seen either ‘celebrating their curves’ or being seen in their normal ‘untouched’ state. Getting a more relaxed view of celebrities allows other people to appreciate what is normal and beautiful.

And, in truth many men say that a woman who is confident in her own skin, who makes them laugh, who is relaxed with herself is far sexier than a fashion plate. One of my friends dieted and lost two stone for her new man only to discover that his ideal lady was her original curvier self. He found her original look far sexier. And many women pay far less attention to a man’s size and shape and are more interested in personality, cleanliness and good manners. Looking good might be a factor, but it is only one part of being beautiful.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with
- stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief,
- couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding
- with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

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How you feel about yourself dictates your level of inner joy and happiness. It also dictates the successes you have (or don’t have). You achieve what you feel you are worthy of; nothing more, nothing less. Your sense of ‘worth’ is not based on surface values.. it is based on core beliefs. Self-esteem and your ‘core beliefs’ are the foundation of your life. Imagine building a house without a foundation or constructing a new house on a weakened foundation. What happens? Eventually the house will crumble. That is exactly what happens in your life when you have a low self-esteem. You either fail to achieve your goals or you self-sabotage your successes. The end result is always the same; failure. You will continue this pattern until you are ready to address the low self esteem issue and devise a ‘Life Makeover’ plan.

But where does the self esteem come from?

Self esteem begins at birth. Scientific research has proven that the first moments of life are bonding between mother and baby. These are your first experiences in life that contribute to a healthy self esteem. So, from our early childhood you have a natural instinct to ‘want to please’ your parents. When you fail to live up to their expectations, subconsciously your inner chatter begins to tell you ‘you are not worthy’. This inner-voice molds a ‘belief’ and in time creates a ‘deep-seated [limiting] belief’ often called a ‘core belief’. This is not a conscious process… and oftentimes you don’t even realize you have this inner belief-system working or that you lack self-esteem. Let me give you an example. Imagine someone you know lost their job. The state lottery soars to $250 million. They stand in line to buy a ticket. They hold it in their hand.. and the first words out of their mouth are: ‘I’ll never win.. I never win anything’.. and in that instant they get this sinking feeling. Their low self esteem is at work telling them ‘they don’t deserve to win’. On the flipside, a person with a high self-esteem will hold that ticket in their hand and KNOW they DESERVE to win. This person ‘expects’ to win.. but even if they don’t.. their life is FULL and COMPLETE and they happily move on to the next adventure. This same rule holds true for love, career, success, sports and just about every venue in life.

How does our Self esteem develop? Throughout your childhood parents, teachers, friends, relatives and peers all play a role in the development of your self-esteem. When a child is criticized, ignored, humiliated or ridiculed it begins the cycle of poor self esteem. Many good-intending parents expect their children to be ‘perfect’ or they set their expectations so high that it was almost impossible for the child to live up to their ‘standards’. The end result — a low self-esteem. On the other hand, those children who grow up in a supportive environment often have a much ‘higher sense of worth’ and their level of happiness and success manifests in strong, loving relationships, successful careers and a sense of inner joy & happiness.

What are the consequences of a low self-esteem? There are many. Some of the most devastating are: depression, loneliness, stress, on-going love and relationship problems, and devastating financial problems. When you lack self-esteem and continue to experience additional failures it further lowers your sense of self-worth as you enter into a dangerous downward spiral.

Can you succeed without a good self-esteem? Yes. But, inevitably you will self-sabotage yourself, You will lose the job, relationship, opportunity, etc or if you manage to reach the pinnacle of success you strive for –you will find it did not ‘quench your thirst’ and you still unhappy. That perpetuates the belief that you are not worthy of being happy.

So, how do I fix this? Depending on the individual there are options. Some may chose years of psychotherapy. Others will find the 21st century approach to low self esteem more easily remedied by consulting with a Life Coach. Coaching is different than therapy. Therapy deals primarily with your past. A Life Coach helps you to identify your passions and desires and helps you develop a custom life-plan and a blueprint to get there.

Self esteem is the foundation of your life. INVEST IN YOURSELF..

Jill Lanese, Life Coach has developed an intense program to guide you through a process which allows you to safely transform your limiting beliefs which are at the core of a low self esteem. This powerful program RESTORES your self esteem. You feel Empowered! Revitalized. Ready to Live Life to its Fullest!

10 week Program: Introducing an intense 10 week program geared towards awakening your realization of your own self-worth. This 10 week program is for the person ‘ready for change’.. and anxious to soar to new heights. It is an intense program that consists of 10 weekly 70 minute sessions; several required email or phone follow-ups. Email support is included (at no additional cost). For those not ready to take that big plunge there are also weekly or monthly sessions (live or phone) or email consultations.

Please visit me at [http://pahhp.com/coach.php] for more information.

Jill Lanese has her degree in psychology, is a certified Life Coach, has advanced certification in hypnotherapy and thought field therapy as well as several alternative healing modalities. For many years Jill focused on providing past life regressions (which is one of her passions). In recent years, Jill has been providing Life Coaching guidance to an array of successful clients in the North East.

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A women’s self-esteem can be destroyed simply by somebody saying the wrong thing to her. Her past experiences of being brow beaten will mean that even being told the right thing will have little effect. Her self-esteem and self-worth would drastically improve if she could only realise that she is rarely the subject of the degrading remark

The Mayo clinic has suggested that a woman’s self-esteem would be improved if she could identify and isolate the situations that are causing her lack of self-worth. There are a number of causes that can damage her self-esteem.

The change of life and the empty nest syndrome often occur at the same time in her life. Problems in the work place, or a crisis at home could have a traumatic effect on her self-esteem.

She would feel that her time as a mother is over now her children have left home, an argument with her partner may convince her that she has lost her sex appeal.

Her work based problem may be a mistaken belief that she is somehow not up to the job and others are outperforming her. It is vital for her to be convinced that this not about her but a new phase of womanhood she is entering.

The Mayo clinic goes on to say that if women are aware of these thoughts it will improve their self- esteem. Over the years women have been subjected to a barrage of instructions to work out, eat a healthy diet etc.

She is often made to feel an inadequate mother because she would rather avoid cooking a full meal and order a take away. Even when she faces these problems in an attempt to change things, external influences will still make her feel inadequate.

The media often plays a part in undermining her self-esteem. Perfectly formed and tanned young male and female models in magazines that sell in millions will damage her self-image and confidence. Magazines are a prime example of the external influences that undermine a her self-esteem.

To improve her self -image she must see these external influences as negative forces and change them. She must recognise what deep inside herself she already knows: she is worth much more. She must get to the heart of these negative influences and use them to her advantage. She must become aware that she will improve her body and mind by leading a healthy life style. By treating any threats, either from home or work, as challenges, she will overcome them

It is by recognising that the negative influences she feels are undermining her self-esteem are not aimed specifically at her. Once she recognises this she will approach life with a much more positive and confident outlook. By facing down these self-denigrating influences and recognising the positive side of her personality, she will provide a huge boost to her self-esteem

Low Self-Esteem can ruin people’s lives, But in can be overcome Visit http://www.raiseurselfesteem.com

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If you are not taking care of your health you are telling yourself that your body, and thus you as a person, is not important. If you want to have a high self-esteem you need to tell yourself that YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Think about somebody that you love very much. It may for example be a friend or it may be a family member. Imagine that this person got ill. Wouldn’t you wish for that person to become healthy again? If you could, wouldn’t you want to do everything that you could possibly do to help that person get better? If you really love somebody you want that person to be as healthy as possible and feel as good as possible all the time. You want to help that person to be at his/her optimal physical state both in the short-term and in the long-term.

Your level of self-esteem is basically your amount of love towards yourself. The higher self-esteem you have the more you will also be able to love others. In order to raise your self-esteem you need to act as if you already had a high self-esteem. You cannot start to love yourself more if you are constantly treating yourself as if you didn’t. Therefore, in order to raise your self-esteem you need to take care of your own physical health because that is what you would do if you really loved yourself.

A person with high self-esteem considers herself/himself important. This is NOT the same as considering oneself to be MORE important than others. At the contrary, the higher value you consider yourself to have the more value you will be able to see in others. If you think that you are an important person, then it becomes obvious that you will want to take care of the body that is supporting you and keeping you alive. Taking care of that body involves eating well, exercising, resting and so on. If you neglect your physical health you’re sending the message to yourself that you are not important enough to be taken care of. On the other hand, if you do take care of yourself, you’re sending yourself the message that you are important enough to have an ideal health so that you can live longer and develop your potentials.

Take care of your health and self-esteem will follow!

Liv Miyagawa – The Self-Esteem Coach

Liv Miyagawa, The Self-Esteem Coach, helps people all over the world to raise their self-esteem and to reach their personal goals. She opens people’s eyes to their own strengths and helps them to figure out what it really is that they want to get out of life. Liv helps people to find out exactly what steps they need to take to reach their goals, and she supports them and motivates them on their journey towards a more fulfilling future. http://www.livmiyagawa.com

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Self-esteem is incredibly important. In fact, I think it is so important that I am going to say that again. Self-esteem is incredibly important. Many people have the notion that it is the same as self-confidence; however it is far more than just self-confidence. If we look further into the origins of the word esteem itself, as we look etymologically, it comes from the word aestimate, which literally means ‘to put a value on.’ As you might guess, this word shares the same root as the word ‘estimate.’ Therefore, we can see that self-esteem, really does just mean; the value we put on ourselves.

Now then, what are the key components of self-esteem? When someone has high self-esteem, they have a genuine, deep rooted sense of self; they actually like (and often love) themselves; they can and do recognise and be in control of their internal state; and they have a sound sense of purpose, or rather they act and behave with purpose. These are not magical gifts that we were given at birth, oh no. One of the key concepts in many of my self-improvement or change programmes or writings is a presupposition of neuro linguistic programming (NLP) and that is: what others do, you can learn. So that is where I am going to start here, by indicating and illustrating just what it is that people with high self-esteem actually do, I am going to break it down into easily consumable chunks so that you can replicate them and apply them to your own life immediately.

These things, if applied in the correct way, can have an amazing impact on anyone’s self-esteem.

Developing Your Own Sense of Self:

Many of the individuals that I have worked with over the years tell me that they lack self-confidence. I hear it so very often. As mentioned previously, self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves whereas self-confidence relates to our actions. Again, if we look at the word ‘self-confidence’ it means to trust in ourselves, so at its root it implies some kind of challenge or task that is to be undertaken in some way. To be more specific, confidence usually relates to our ability to do something or to have some kind of competency. We are confident in our ability to do something, to behave in a particular way in a particular situation, to take on a particular challenge.

It has been my experience that it is almost impossible to have self-confidence if we do not have self-esteem.

I once worked with a lady who was naturally very gifted in her specialised field and was a legal secretary. Following her initial training and joining a legal firm, she was recognised by the senior partners as being intelligent, conscientious and diligent as well as hard working. She really was an asset to the company and got on very well with her colleagues. At the end of her first year of working for the company, she was offered a more senior position and she was given some additional responsibility along with a slight increase in her salary.

Following three years in this role, the legal team office manager role became available and as she had been as good as running the office anyway, one of the company’s senior partners recommended that she apply. The partner felt that she deserved the role and encouraged her to apply. But, the lady in question was rather taken aback by the suggestion; she did not feel qualified or competent enough to take the role on or to even consider applying. She had always managed to successfully find reasons for dismissing praise, she told herself that she simply did not deserve it and that anyone could have done what she did and that there would come a day that one of the partners would realise that she was not that good at her job and she would be shown for what she really was. Therefore she just did not apply. Remarkable. What’s more, I know that you know someone just like this.

I encounter so many people like this. So many. People that have this low self-esteem and are not able to generalise from the obvious successful results that they are having, or the acknowledgement they receive. It is almost as if they don’t ‘hear’ the praise that they are given. Because of this, the lady I mentioned earlier lacked the confidence to apply for the promotion; and many people with low self-esteem consistently and continually underachieve in their lives. Most of them spend their entire lifetimes underestimating themselves and feeling that they are not worthy.

So what we are going to do is to explore. Over the years I have investigated those people that do have self-esteem and how they actually think and behave. It is all about that probing question ‘How do they do that?”

When I worked at the Independent National newspaper in central London when I was younger, the newspaper had been bought by a new owner and was moving from where the previous owners, the Mirror group were based, in Canary Wharf in Docklands, London, to new premises in a slightly different part of London. A girl called Samantha was the Managing Directors PA and rather than using a proper project manager of some sort, the MD organised the relocation himself with Samantha’s help.

She liked being who she was, had done well at school, this was only her second job and she had worked up the secretarial ranks to become the MD’s PA. She did not mind being asked to help with anything out of the ordinary or unusual. The day before the office relocation was due to happen, the MD was involved in a car accident and had to take some time off due to being in hospital for a night and then off for a period of recovery. Another director asked Samantha if she would oversee the relocation as she had been so involved in the process. She was very slightly apprehensive but of course agreed with no hesitation: after all, she knew most of the arrangements that had been made, and what’s more the MD had a mobile that she could call if she was desperate.

Now I mention this because you can see the differences between the two people in those examples. Not only did Samantha have a more easygoing temperament than the lady mentioned in my first example, she was also far more comfortable with herself and of course that naturally meant that she could take the leap of confidence in herself that was required for her to take on the last minute responsibility.

Both of the women were extremely capable, however, the first mentioned lady had a low sense of self-worth, whereas Samantha believed in herself. So, what about you? I would like you to answer these questions to yourself:

o Can you accept a compliment straight, without verbally or non-verbally deflecting it and without dismissing it or having to qualify it in your mind.

o Are you ever afraid that you may well be ‘found out’ one day?

o Can you list 5-10 things that you like about yourself without hesitation, just doing it straight away?

o What is your reaction (internally and externally) when you are asked to try something that you have not done before, something new?

o What do you say to yourself inside your mind when you are about to do something that challenges you or that is difficult?

Really take some time and even consider writing down your answers, it is always good to see this kind of information in writing as well as it being in your mind. Then, what do your answers suggest about you and how much you like yourself? Do you think well of yourself? Are you happy being you? Are you critical about yourself and your abilities? I recommend writing these down again because you can then compare and contrast your answers when you have finished following these techniques and strategies. So, lets move on to those strategies and techniques.

The first of the strategies that I want to mention is: Accepting Compliments.

Quite simply, the easiest way to accept a compliment is just by saying “Thank You.” Not too difficult is it? Remember a compliment that someone has paid you, however small or minor you may consider it: imagine hearing it in your head again, play it over and over or better still, say it out loud to yourself and then say “Thank You.” You may want to experiment with a variety of tones of voice or accents or mannerisms as well as different facial expressions to find some of the ways that resonate the best with you and that seems the most natural.

You need to push your boundaries out here and really do this. Practice this over and over. I would recommend that you practice this in front of a mirror too even if it does feel unusual. Then, on the next occasion that someone gives you a compliment, because there will be some, catch what you do, even if your old response tries to kick in again. Even if it does, notice what you did and just offer a “Thank You” anyway. As you keep on doing this your brain will learn the new response and will begin doing it automatically.

Worrying about being found out:

Hmmm. Ok, ask yourself this question: what exactly is it that I do not want other people to know? Really ask yourself that and answer it thoroughly and precisely. The majority of people just don’t want people to think badly of them or their abilities. This kind of worry or fear almost always has to do with what you anticipate happening and not what actually does happen; it tends to be removed from reality.

So now is time for a reality check. These people that often feel unworthy about their capabilities at work or about their attractiveness are underestimating themselves. You should observe the other people at your work or in your life that seem quite contented with themselves and notice that contentment and ability are not related. They are not correlated. At the same time, you only have to take a good look at couples in any public place to notice that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. It has often helped to ask two very powerful questions here to discover other possible reasons for your unnecessary worries:

o What stops you (feeling good about yourself)?

o What would happen if you did (feel good about yourself)?

Learning to Like You:

Ok, it is time to take out your self-esteem journal or that piece of paper to write on again. As we touched on earlier, I would like you to list anything you can think of that you like about yourself. It might be the dimples in your cheeks when you smile, or the crookedness of your teeth, or the fact that you can spell words really easily, or that you have good morals, or that you are honest. Absolutely anything applies here. Keep on collecting and adding to this list. Now check this list against your logical levels exercise that you did at the very beginning of this programme. Think about your environment, your beliefs and values, your capabilities, your behaviour and identity and think about your characteristics on each level and find more and more things on many differing levels that contribute to your own unique identity. Then keep this list somewhere important to be able to refer to and remind yourself often of its contents.

Doing Different Things:

Lots of us react with fright, fear and anxiety when confronted with new things! Oh, no, a new thing! So if you do respond that way, spell out the worst case scenarios you have in your mind. Really spell them out, write them down if it will help. Sometimes this is enough to make you realise that they are silly fears or maybe they are a bit (or a lot) unlikely. I bet they are. However, if your worst case scenario could happen, think about how it could be managed and overcome. Take it a step further and think about someone you know would overcome it – what exactly would they do? How would they go about it? So, instead of letting that fear harbour itself deep within you as if you were burying it, take it on and find and create a strategy for dealing with it. Much more often than not at least one of these approaches can and will defuse the anxiety. Now, if it doesn’t, your intuition and instincts may well be right: so don’t do it!

Communicating With You:

If you persist on telling yourself not to make an idiot of yourself in front of others, or remembering how things went wrong the last time, or highlighting to yourself how useless you are, then that internal dialogue voice may well be contributing to your problem. In fact, I know it is!

So instead, begin to think: what would you say to someone else in the same situation if you wanted to encourage them? Work it out and again, write it down. How would you encourage them? Then continue to say those things to yourself. Do this. Say those things to yourself instead of all that other nonsense that you used to persist on saying. Be convincing and sincere; really mean it. Now how does that feel? To have that kind of progressive internal dialogue instead. It can be like a breath of fresh air for your brain, you are nurturing it. Because we engage in it so very much, each time you create some internal dialogue the more supportive you become and this makes a real difference to you self-esteem and your self-confidence.

Self-Esteem Telling Signals:

How can you tell if someone has self-esteem? It is so easy to tell, though not many people actually notice. One of the surest indicators is that people with self-esteem just do not need to prove themselves. By that I mean that they do not need to:

o Boast.

o Put others down.

o Show off.

o Name-drop.

o Hog the limelight.

o Tell you all about themselves and their achievements.

It is often individuals who do these seemingly confident behaviours that have quite low self-esteem.

Earlier this year, I was speaking at a large conference in Las Vegas and over 500 people were there to listen to the team of speakers of which I was one. The main speaker was someone I had heard of and is very well known across the world and so I wanted to speak to them as much as I could and glean some tips or just get to know them. I wanted to do the same with all the speakers and as we were waiting to go on stage, I took some time out to chat with all the speakers and they were all nice and at ease, no-one displaying any signs of anxiety at the prospect of speaking to this large audience. However, I really did notice that the well known speaker asked no questions of any of the others, in fact they did not show any interest in any of the other speakers at all. Which surprised me a little. Instead, the person maintained a relaxed demeanour and outward appearance but focused all the time on them self. It was all one way and self-centred. I suspected that they were not at all comfortable being this well-known speaker at all. I confirmed this later on when that person asked me if I would spend some time with them to help coach them through some things that they wanted to deal with following a later conversation.

People with true, genuine, real, sincere self-esteem, however well known they are, usually display very different characteristics:

o They have a quiet confidence.

o They do not fish for compliments – but they do accept them well: they know what they are worth.

o They may be quite humble.

o They recognise and are often interested in other people and their achievements.

o They may not be bothered about receiving external recognition.

You can read the body language of someone with self-esteem as it usually speaks for them. They are often physically relaxed, upright, calm and measured in movement, they are decisive and without hesitation and they make good eye contact freely and comfortably.

It has been my experience that despite there being so many people out there who display apparent confidence and competence, actually doubt themselves and their own abilities. (hey, you may well be one of them) I know I spent years and years showing off due to a lack of self-esteem. These days I just show off because I am childish and silly. I joke. These people though, may well stand up for others, but fail to stand up for themselves. They may well be sensitive and sympathetic – but not about their own limitations. Bear in mind that when you meet other people, whether they are dominating and outgoing or just quietly efficient, they may both have a serious lack of self-esteem.

As with so many things, as with so many areas that I work within and as we have touched on already, modelling can really help. Stop and think about people you know who have a strong sense of self: how do they behave? How do they seem to think? What is important to them? What do they believe? What tells you that they are genuinely comfortable with themselves? Trust your intuition here and make the most of your observations. Again, note this stuff down.

Imagine that you were someone else that is watching you from the outside. As you look at yourself, how could you begin incorporate what you have learnt from your self valuation and apply them to yourself. Really have a think about that.

Adam Eason is an author, consultant, trainer and motivational speaker in the fields of hypnosis & personal development. Please visit his website because it is filled with information, stimulating articles, resources and unique products.

Visit to also receive a free, unique hypnosis session, instantly downloadable, to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

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There is a direct and an indirect way how thoughts and beliefs can harm your self-esteem. While the direct way – executed by the Inner Critic – is not that difficult to spot, the indirect way is more insidious and pollutes your self-esteem behind your back. If you want to overcome low self-esteem, pay attention to the latter one, as it may undermine your efforts in the long run.

1. Depreciating yourself – The direct way

Assertions you make about yourself that devalue your self-worth can damage your self-esteem. There are three ways how you, talking to yourself in the voice of the Inner Critic, harm your self-esteem:

• The Inner Critic uses untrue assertions to accuse you. They are the result of the so called cognitive distortions or, to put it simpler, distorted thoughts and beliefs.
• The Inner Critic uses your values and uncompromisingly demands their fulfillment. When you don’t achieve them, the Inner Critic judges you for that and calls you names.
• The Inner Critic talks to you in a harsh, judgmental voice. This voice often coincides with the first and the second tool, but not necessarily.

2. Avoiding life – The indirect way

Thoughts we have about ourselves, about who we are and what our abilities are, amount to evaluations of our capacities to do certain things when we face problems or challenges. These evaluations determine our day-to-day decisions and to what extent we dare to participate in life and live a that matters. Or to what extent we seclude ourselves from life, living a life of “quiet desperation” as Henry David Thoreau put it.

A life not lived is sad in and upon itself; but, to make things worse, very often we judge ourselves for “being a failure” on top of it. Here the Inner Critic steps in again. A vicious circle of depreciating statements and reaffirmed conclusions of who we are and what our abilities amount to keeps low self-esteem at a low threshold.

This vicious circle has to be stopped. Keeping the Inner Critic at bay and working with the three direct tools will also improve the way you think about your abilities. Nevertheless, you can take charge at an earlier stage by simply questioning your assessment of your abilities. Whenever you caught yourself making a statement like, “I could never do this… ” or “I am a bad…,” call this statement in question. Chances are high that, because of your damaged self-esteem, these assessments do not represent the truth. Dismiss them and be open to new opportunities. You will probably discover that you are more capable than you think.

About The Author:
Olaf Schwennesen, M.A. is a certified coach for solution focused therapy and a licensed natural health professional for psychotherapy. He is working as a lecturer and trainer for social and methodical competences and in private practice in Berlin, Germany

Overcome low self-esteem and reclaim your true self-worth with Natural Self Esteem. Learn more about this new, integrative approach and visit http://www.naturalselfesteem.com

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Why is it easier to grasp the essence of the problem when it is not you causing the dispute between two people? It becomes almost a second nature to see the simplicity of the cause; however, once you find yourself involved, you struggle to resolve the issues. Your self-awareness gets blurry by the circumstances you are facing in the heat of the moment.

At that moment, you will struggle to see how your behaviour and irrational thinking manipulate your ability to have clarity. Self-awareness is a powerful way to distinguish yourself as who you are and what you want to become. In many ways, that can be blinded if you accept life’s problems to control the outcome of your life.

Everyone has this terrific capability to evaluate their success and achieve a greater life; however, not everyone chooses to use it! There is a secret to increase your ability to be more aware of what you want in life, and how to get it.

That secret can enhance specific areas in your life remarkably quickly, and it all boils down to the power of asking the right questions. These Questions will give you the right answers to overcome the barriers you struggle with in life. It is only when you start becoming the “outsider” of your own existence and looking in, that you will be able to regulate where necessary.

That technique is through the power of having a journal with you every day to record the emotions and patterns. The transformation occurs in self-awareness when you can identify those reasons that disrupt your ability to improve.

3 Extremely Effective Things Will Happen In Your Life when you start to use a journal to obtain those reasons:

1. You find clarity in what your strengths and weaknesses are.

2. The patterns of negative habits can be identified easily

3. You will be less reluctant to be defensive when others point it out to you.

Imagine what a difference this can make to your life? The opportunity to increase your self-awareness and never to be blinded from truly living. Once you can understand the patterns you need to let go off, you will immediately have a better perspective of what needs to be done to move forward quicker.

There will always be new barriers approaching but this time you will have a solid plan in place to tackle the problem. You will start increasing your power to simplify life and be able to remove fear all because you used the right set of tools!

Discover more information just like this article on self-awareness and success, and also get the life tools you need to increase the power of your success through designing your own life’s blueprint.

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What we need has a lot to do with how we live our life. Actually, let me correct that. What we need and DON’T GET has almost everything to do with how we live our life. When we need something and don’t get it, we put a lot of energy into trying to get that need met.

While our compulsion to satisfy unmet social, emotional and growth needs is just as strong as our need to obtain food and water, these efforts usually happen on an unconscious level.

Without understanding why, we are driven to do things, not always in our best long-term interests, to satisfy our needs.

As I’ve worked with many people over the years in trying to identify their unmet needs, the single most pervasive missing need is acknowledgement. We have a need to be valued, acknowledged, visible and counted.

There are definite tools you can use to work on getting your needs fulfilled. One of the simplest — and the one you have the most control over — is to GIVE what you want to RECEIVE. To paraphrase the message from the Bible, “You reap what you sow”. People tend to respond in kind. That means, if you’re nice to them, they’ll be nice to you. Taking these two ideas together, here are some simple suggestions for giving acknowledgement, which in turn should allow you feel acknowledged as well.

1. Make eye contact. Looking at people straight in the eye is the first step in showing acknowledgement. This little tip can make an enormous difference in your life because it’s simple to do and can be practiced every day, every where. Try keeping your head up while you walk and really “look” at the people you pass in the street. Notice who is looking at you and who is looking down, afraid to make eye contact. Making eye contact is a definite sign of self confidence and draws people to you.
2. Smile. Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many people prefer not to do it. I’m not clear why, but I think it may have to do with not initiating interaction. We prefer to respond to others, not start the ball rolling. This, in turn, has to do with our fear of rejection. We are concerned that our smile won’t be returned, so we wait to see what the other person does.
3. Use names where you know them. There is nothing so aligned with who we are as our name. In fact, what is your first response to “Who are you?”. Yes, your name! So using the names of people goes a long way in helping them feel acknowledged. Use first names when you know them and it’s appropriate; use Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Smith, when the situation calls for a more formal salutation. If you think about, there are a lot of situations where people, especially in stores, are wearing name tags. Make sure you check it out and use it frequently during any conversation.
4. Say thank you often. No matter what the situation, there are many opportunities to say thank you. For example, when a waiter brings your food, when an employee completes an assignment, when your son draws a picture of you — the examples are endless. Two small words and yet how powerful they are in helping people feel validated and useful. That simple phrase is at the core of all acknowledgement, so use it often. It never gets old or corny.
5. When someone does a good job, let them know. There are few things more motivational than having someone pat you on the back and saying “Nice work!”. Sometimes you need to search for something to acknowledge people for, but it is well worth the effort. For 90% of all people, your recognition will spur them to try harder and do an even better job the next time. Don’t forget to say “Well Done!” for that achievement, too.
6. Be willing to ‘go first’. As I mentioned above, most of us prefer to take the lead on how to act from other people. It takes courage to be the first one up, but with practice, it becomes easier. It might help to remember that others are waiting for someone ELSE to start the interaction, so why not be that person?

Try these simple steps and pay close attention to how others feel around you and also how you start feeling about yourself. Notice how people perk up when you come around and notice how you feel when you are alone. I am willing to bet that you feel more acknowledged and valued yourself.

And if you’re interested in more tips for Becoming Your Best Self, I invite you to claim your free instant access to the ebook “Blueprint for Success”, chock full of ideas and strategies to reclaim your energy and get the results you want by visiting [http://www.touchpointcoaching.com/bfs.htm].

From Louise Morganti Kaelin – Become Your Best Self and Live Your Best Life!

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