The Blame Game
Have you heard the saying, “When you point your finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at you?” I really don’t like these kind of sayings, but pay attention to this one. Translated, it means when you are busy blaming someone else you probably have the same problem. The faults you point out in others are often residing in yourself – this is called mirroring. If you want a good look at yourself, take some time to think about what you complain about in others.
For example, you may say, “I just can’t stand so-and-so because she is such a gossip!” Excuse me! Isn’t that what you just did? (”But it’s true,” you think. “She IS a gossip.” But isn’t this still gossip?) Or you may say, “Jane is such a complainer. She is never satisfied with anything or anyone. She makes me tired just to be around her.” Hello! Aren’t you complaining? And then there’s Joe. “Joe blames everyone else for his losses and he’s so negative. No wonder I’m depressed” you say. ” Being around Joe is a downer.” Say What? Aren’t you responsible for your reaction to Joe? No biggies here – only little things that rob you of your energy and keep you from being honest with yourself. If we are serious about self improvement, don’t we need to pay attention to the “small stuff?” Self improvement begins with self awareness and that’s what this is about.
These are little ways we shift the attention and, possibly blame, from ourselves to others or to circumstances for any number of reasons: to make ourselves look good, to avoid punishment or retaliation, etc. Blame is an insidious thing – it creeps up on you and you find yourself blaming others rather than taking responsibility for what you did or didn’t do. Hear Flip Wilson saying, “The Devil made me do it” and laugh. Hear yourself saying “It wasn’t my fault. My wife wouldn’t let me . . . and it isn’t so funny. Most of our excuses are about as good as a child telling the teacher, “The dog ate my homework.”
So what? Everybody does it.
That’s true. We’re all human. But you are a human who wants to do better, feel better, be better. Right?
I’m not asking you to get all stressed out over it. I’m just suggesting that you become aware of what you are doing when you make excuses and shift the blame for your actions or lack of action onto someone else. We aren’t striving for perfection here but we are trying to understand what makes us tick and what makes us do the things we do.
If you find yourself making excuses and passing the blame on a frequent basis. you need to take a look at it and ask yourself why? Blame is a coping mechanism. Why do you need it in this circumstance?
What is it in me that needs to pass blame, even for small things, onto someone else?
What would happen if I simply told the truth? Why not try it out and see what happens.
Irene Conlan has a Masters degree in nursing and a Ph.D. in Metaphysics. She is also a certified hypnotherapist and blogger to The Self Improvement Blog. http://www.theselfimprovementblog.com.